Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette? A1: "All the blondes have gone home!" A2: Has that blonde gone yet? A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES? A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS? A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How does a blond spell farm? A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How does a blond kill a fish? A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
BLONDE GOES FISHING
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after
getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After
positioning her comfty footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly -- from
the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde
moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of Cappuccino, and began to cut yet another
hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her
stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH
UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the
Ice-Rink Manager!"
PAINTING
A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They
wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the
living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out
his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side
up!" The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide.
They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark,
but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The woman is even more
perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the
bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of
paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side
up"! This is too much. The woman has to ask.
So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window
'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?" The contractor shakes his head and says, "I
have four blondes laying sod across the street."
DIET A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping.